The Visitor

He dusted off the old rocking chair

& asked me to have a seat

He'd tell me what he was doing there
If I'd simply take a load off my feet

I found this gesture laughable
I would rather stand!

Then listen to another word

Uttered by this despicable Man! 

But His confidence eluded Him

He knew I would protest

& yet I saw Him conceal a grin

At the denial of His request! 

At this point, I couldn't even move

I could barely breathe

He acknowledged my discomfort, said,
"Very well" & took the seat!

As He sat there callously,

Scoping out the room

He said He just could not believe

The daffodils won't bloom!

This absurdity helped catch my breath

I quickly snapped to interject,

"Fuck the flowers! Fuck this place!"

& turned to flee with great hast!

This made Him chortle with much glee

He barked, "Silly, girl, you cannot leave! I know you've known this all along, The Cottage is [to] where your Soul belongs!" 

I felt so angry I could cry

I hit my knees & pleaded: "WHY?!

I kicked You out so long ago! Don't speak to me as if You know!"

& this is where the story twists:

He dropped His grin & stood up quick

Now, controlled by His brown eyes

Forced to hear His every lie:

"I know that we have been apart, But that's no excuse to neglect your heart, & that is why I'm here again, to protect you from yourself, My friend..."

& that's the moment I lost my mind

To hear Him call me "friend"

As if His love, I could deny!

(So, instead, I was forced to pretend)

But He already knew my tricks

We played this game before

All this time Our stubbornness

Is the very quality We adored! 

So, while He tried to lecture me

I quickly stoked a match

I had laced The Cottage previously

& dropped it on a kerosine-soaked mat! 

& as I laughed maniacally
at the seconds we had left

To my surprise He grinned idly

As We slowly burned to death...

Adamant

I have contemplated long & hard

The many things I shouldn't

Of course, temptations could be barred

In my case, I knew They wouldn't! 

For, I have Loved so many things

In a way that few can grasp

I attach myself obsessively

(As indicated in my past!)

& yet I often stumble on

A twisted-fleeting crux 

Much like the breaking of a dawn

A grand, yet, abrupt influx

It seems that as the seasons change

They only vary in degree

& Just as quick as winter came

It degrades by intensity!

Therefore, be warned to stay away

If you cannot stand the blight! 

You don't get to bask in the light of day

If you can't withstand the night! 

The rudiments of love are vested deep within the soul. Like the bleeding sands of time, our feelings can't control--An aggregation of desire, filled by many things. The light that fuels our fire, embellishes our surroundings. 

We shut our eyes but cannot sleep, 

we hold our breath, 

clinch our teeth. 

We tremble at the slightest brush, our hearts awaken from this rush! & just when we expected the flame to yield, it torches the entire battlefield! 

This leaves behind a humble scene, of ash, & smoke, & broken dreams... At which point only time can heal, but merely to form another battlefield?

I believe that we were made for more, that pain is something we should endure, that life is more than a half-filled glass, but A powerful teacher of poise & class! & I, for one, will never misplace the advantages of a lost-love fate! 

Woe Is Me

Don't be afraid to break my heart

Stab me in the chest!

Twist the knife, watch me bleed

Make me gag for breath! 

Tie me up, strain me down

Don't ever let me leave

The only way to tame my heart

Is to commit an atrocious deed!  

Don't make it quick, drag it out

Make me struggle, hear me shout! 

Make me beg, make it hurt

Don't be afraid, do your worst! 

Cut off all my fingers & toes

Then dismantle all my limbs

Save all my vital organs

Just to crush them in the end! 

I need a man who is unafraid

To do these nasty things

I need a man who's firm beliefs

Take precedence over me! 

I need a man who understands 

Just how to play the game

For, the only way I can fall in love

Is to feel tremendous pain! 

I could see right thru the fortress' walls,
I knew what they enclaved
Beaten by an ocean full
of canary-yellow waves
They glistened like the stars reflected
from a moon-lit sky
Scattered like a million diamonds,
it's beauty; mesmerized  
Tho seaweed dark as Forrest green
did fill the ocean floor
Both translucent, & befuddling 
I could only wish to explore
For I have never seen a castle 
rest in a sea of grime 
& with its image now engraved
Forever in my mind! 
& tho it's walls we're callous; thick
I thought it could still work
If only I had persisted 
(Instead, I went berserk...)
But is love not an incendiary?
To those who've gone insane?
& so it's best to resist the urge--
Your heart you must contain!

The Cottage

It was definitely winter time as I trotted thru a foot of  snow
My eyes were locked onto the sky, my self-esteem was low
& yet I made it thru the field, where daffodils once swayed
The Cottage laid 100 yards before me in mid-day
It's shutters had all fallen off, & only one remained
It's door was busted, rusted--all swallowed in  decay
& yet I forced my entrance & stood  in disarray 
(The fact of the matter is, I liked it better this way...)
The arms of the rocking chair were worn down to the bone
The pots & pans & tupperware were splashed around the home
At least a home it used to be but that was long ago.... 
It seems it's one-time owner was knocked far from his thrown
The windows were all busted out by rocks that laid the ground
The frost had overtook the place by more than heaps & bounds
It was obvious there'd been no visitors for more than many years
The less than freezing temperatures had made this crystal clear
& as I stood there shivering, thinking of the day
When this sight that laid before me was filled with sun & play
The Cottage was so perfectly constructed in this way
Children had once filled the field where daffodils once swayed
& now I had returned to complete my mission from the start
The plan, unfolding perfectly--The destruction of my heart.

I Will Not Rest

You talk of loneliness so frequent in your speech,
You talk of loneliness as if it's company, you beseech.
You say you search for light & truth
Integrity--it grounds your roots
You rarely talk but when you do,
It's loneliness that torments you?
It occurs to me that you are blind!
I will not rest until you're mine!

 But wait...

Your heart is one I've seen before
So fragile & vacant at its core...
I couldn't live with that bloodshed on my hands
(Yet, that hasn't stopped me with any other man)
But your's is one I will respect
So, from the shadows I will protect!
I'll be your angel in disguise
No one will harm you; They'll be denied!

A saddened day with us apart
Tis better this way--to guard your heart!
You are my God, my Love, One Soul!
Do not fear, my Dear, you're never alone!

I

Got

A Rotating Black Hole

I once was a beautiful neutron star

Gleaming so bright, you could see from afar

But then my star collapsed & died

& an astrophysical object derived...

It shredded my light & vacuumed me in

Never to be seen or heard from again

But as my flames began to ensue

I discovered the entities undeniable truth!

It appeared my light was being reflected from its core

Emitting a feeling I could not ignore

So, I relinquished my fears & spiraled down like a drain

Realizing that space/time can never be changed

Pass the first event horizon was the radius of no return

Where time stand still, lessons are sure to be learned

Because once I reached the tempestuous light

It repulsed me back with an inconvieble might!

I may never see the outside world again

But the grandeur of our love was worth it in the end

& so it must be:

Angular momentum, nonzero; uncharged

Is by far the greatest result of a dying neutron star

Self-mutilation

I think I'd like to pierce a vein

Watch it bleed & feel the pain

I think I'd like that very much

So much more than I lover's touch

A lover's touch is unbeknownst to me

I know I'd rather watch me bleed

Pain is always been a friend of mine

Bc I'm certain it's the end of time

Nonpartisan

I'll tell you what I think today

Of this "soul-creator"

I think that He's a selfish fool

An arrogant dictator!

First, He forces us to live

Outside of our control

Watching as we propagate

The confines of this fishbowl

Then He says to worship Him

Or we all shall be condemned

To blindly kneel before His feet

His word, we must defend?

I tell you that does not remind

Me of a mighty being

For being so omnipotent

He's not very agreeing....

For, the only God I could love

Would never ask me to

He'd never force unto me

Things He, Himself, won't do...

He doesn't have to show His face

He does not seek conviction

He would not leave a mortal trace

No need for crucifixion

Now, I am not an atheist

Their arguments are lacking

But if there really is a God

Wherever He is, He's laughing!

Because no man can know His thoughts

They cannot speak for Him

So, to me, religion's just as lost

For, we all have been forsaken!

Now whether this God does exist

I'm afraid we'll never know

But Whoever created all of this

Did not do it on His own

So, before you believe a man-made God

I'd ask you to think twice

We do not need an eternity

To be appreciative of life!

The Way You Lie

The sweetest sound I have ever heard
Was one that most would find quite absurd

It was when I had found myself in a bind
By people who had found themselves undermined....

They asked me right away to relinquish the truth
Something I was simply unable to do!

& just before I admitted defeat
A man yelled out, "it wasn't her, it was me!"

Now, I would NEVER ask one to fall on his sword
But by the way that he lied, I couldn't help but adore....

His demeanor so steady, his voice, not even a squeak!
Such a selfless act followed by a beautiful technique

So, yes, the truth is that I fell in love with a lie
& after all of this, it was love I'd deny...

Rest In Peace

**Dedicated to Ms. Pat James**

As I watch the bright stars pierce thru the night's sky

I find myself a little more than preoccupied...

I think of death, & how to be

A person depleted by their lost identity

Making my death impossible to fear

Despite how much my life is revered...

It's confusing to deny the sanctions of fate

To wish that time could somehow abdicate...

I've died before, it wasn't enough

The result is now my skin is TOO tough

So, in the end My soul has learned this:

Every death is sealed with a kiss...